


i'll kindly enter into rooms of depression

by septici



Category: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Depression, M/M, Tom Holland Needs a Hug, depressed main character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 19:37:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13060761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/septici/pseuds/septici
Summary: The pure exhaustion running through his veins was not the type that would be cured by a good night’s rest. He’d been in this depressed state for the best part of a week, and the way that he would later describe it would be that ‘everything went from technicolour to sepia-tone’.





	i'll kindly enter into rooms of depression

* * *

Cars passed by Tom’s window, the whoosh of air being displaced as vehicles cut through the crisp English morning waking the aforementioned boy from his peaceless slumber. A few moments passed after his initial rousing before he actually managed to sit up in bed, pushing himself up the pillows with a sigh of exertion. Blinking wearily, Tom ran a hand over his face, feeling the sad attempt at growing any kind of respectable facial hair still desperately clinging to his chin. Though he knew that he should shave, that he should get up at all, he slid back down under the covers, black coffee-coloured eyes sweeping around his room lazily. Pale sunlight streamed weakly in from the window, casting white beams across Tom’s bed. He sighed, shutting his eyes again as he turns his cheek into the pillow, messy brown hair falling just below his browbone with the movement.

The pure exhaustion running through his veins was not the type that would be cured by a good night’s rest. He’d been in this depressed state for the best part of a week, and the way that he would later describe it would be that ‘everything went from technicolour to sepia-tone’. Every so often, a member of his family would try, in vain, to get the twenty-one-year-old out of his room and doing some activity that usually would have captured his interest. Above the exhaustion, though, was Tom’s own frustration at his feelings. He hated feeling exhausted all the time, he hated lashing out at people that were just trying to get him to fix himself. Tears burned behind his eyes hotly, and he pushed his head further into his pillows, as if he was trying to suffocate himself.

On his bedside table, his phone jolted awake with the loud, clear sound of a bell’s metallic ring. Groaning softly, Tom sat up in his bed and wiped away his tears, embarrassment colouring his cheeks as he swiped the notification on his screen. It took a few seconds for his eyes to adjust and realise that it was a message from Harrison, just a simple ‘hey, wanna do something?’. Tom leaned his head back against his headboard, feeling the cold wood through his matted hair. He sat like that for a couple of moments, just breathing, before eventually he typed out a reply.

_Not really, sorry. Not been feeling up to anything recently._

Tom chucked his phone further down the bed after muting its ringer. He ran his hands over his face again, one of them settling to tug at his hair in exasperation. Tom heard his phone buzz from where he had thrown it, but he couldn’t bring himself to reach for it again. The chill of the morning, even in their insulated house, was starting to creep across Tom’s bare chest, so he leaned down to scavenge for a shirt or hoodie somewhere on his bedroom floor. After a few moments of searching, he picked up a vaguely clean hoodie and pulled it over his head. His phone buzzed again, more insistently, and Tom rolled his eyes as he reached over to pick it up.

_I know, I talk to Sam sometimes. C’mon, I’ll come over and we can play mariokart?_  
_Tommy?? :(_

Tom huffed out a small, tinny laugh, stroking his thumb over the grey text bubbles almost longingly. He wanted Harrison to come over, he wanted to play Mario Kart, he wanted to pretend that he was okay for a few hours, but just the thought of it tired him out so much. Tom felt the hot tears burn his eyes again. He had never wanted Harrison to be with him more. He wanted Harrison to make everything better. Tom leaned his head into the crook of his elbow, crying into his hoodie. At this point, he didn’t even know why he was crying, he just knew that he was. He felt the sobs wrack through his whole body.

_I’m coming over, we dont have to do anything but I want to make sure you’re ok_

Tom locked his phone and threw it across the room without even reading the message properly. The harsh sound of the device clattering to the floor made his head twitch from where he’d hidden it in his arm, but ultimately he stayed sat like that, cries alternating between silent and loud, for a good half an hour. He felt so physically and mentally drained, and with every fresh bout of tears he could feel the little energy he had left slipping away from him.

A loud knock at his bedroom door made Tom move his head away from his elbow, revealing an ache in the back of his neck. He watched the door wearily, clearing his throat for a moment as he gathered up the energy to force his voice box to work.

“Hello?” His voice came out even more hoarse than he’d anticipated. The door opened slowly, and who could it have been other than Harrison. Tom mentally berated himself as his best friend shut the door behind himself. Harrison’s sandy blonde hair was styled upwards, as per usual, and he was wearing the softest looking grey knit jumper that Tom had ever seen. The brown haired boy flushed a deep red as he realised what a mess he probably looked, still in bed at whatever-the-time-was, wearing a crumpled, old hoodie, with sleep-mussed hair and his eyes red and raw from crying. He cleared his throat awkwardly, forcing himself to get out of bed.

“Tommy,” Harrison started as Tom pushed himself up, wobbling slightly. He grabbed onto his bedside table for support. “You look like hell, mate, no offense.” 

“I feel like hell,” Tom replied tiredly, trying to persuade his messy hair to behave by running his fingers through it. Even just the act of standing up and speaking a few words had drained so much of Tom’s energy that he felt about ready for a ten year long nap. Harrison frowned a little, picking up Tom’s phone from the floor. He turned it over in his hands, tracing the crack that was now running across the screen with the tip of his forefinger. 

“You… when was the last time you left your room?”

“I’m not leaving it now, if that’s what you’re asking.” Tom plucked his phone from Harrison’s grip, shuffling over to his desk. He didn’t think about how messy his room was, because he thought that if he did then he would implode from embarrassment. Harrison followed Tom like a puppy, seemingly at a loss for words as he came to a stop beside his best friend.

“No, I… I’m worried ‘bout you, Tommy,” Harrison offered lamely, studying Tom’s tear-stained face. The latter wiped at his eyes furiously, nodding a little. He avoided eye contact by studying his phone, realising that he’d ignored three more messages from Harrison.

_You just scared I’ll beat your ass at mk?_  
_Cmon, respond to me_  
_I’m on my way, btw ^-^_

Tom put his phone screen-down on the desk, mustering up the courage to look his friend in the face. Harrison was pulling at a loose thread on his jumper, the sunlight from the windows accentuating his cheekbones and giving his hair a glowy look, making him look like an angel. Tom sat on the end of his bed heavily, rubbing his hands over his face again with a defeated sigh. Harrison sat with him, slinging an arm around his friend’s shoulders easily.

“We can play Mario Kart, if you want. Or, um… watch a movie?” The sandy haired boy turned to Tom, letting his fingers creep up to play with the little hairs at the base of Tom’s neck. The two had always had a close friendship like this, so when Tom had ignored all of Harrison’s texts for almost a week, the taller boy’s concerns had grown bigger and bigger. “Or we can just sit and talk. …Tom?” Harrison tried not to feel too dejected when Tom didn’t respond to his physical contact, but when the two were usually joined at the hip, he couldn’t help the small hole boring in his chest.

Tom was on a completely different planet, his eyes glazed over. He felt so useless and needy, felt awful for wanting to depend on Harrison and have his best friend take care of him. He knew that the other boy had better things to be doing with his time, but the empty feeling in his soul was only growing bigger each day, and the only thing he wanted was for his best friend to make it go away. Tom’s head pounded, and his mouth felt like cotton; he was dehydrated from crying so much. Instead of complaining, though, he just sat there, stock still, half-listening to Harrison’s words, half-listening to the London traffic passing outside his window.

“Say something, Tom?” Harrison shook Tom’s shoulders, chewing on his lip in worry.

“Haz, just…” Tom’s voice was thick, and he blinked in surprise, looking down at his friend’s trembling hands. “Make it go away, make everything go away.” Harrison frowned at the plea, as Tom turned his head to face his friend properly. 

“I don’t… I don’t know how.” And with those four words, despite being dehydrated to hell and back, Tom felt his resolve crumbling. The salty water streamed down his face silently at first, but it quickly gave way to trembling sobs. Harrison felt awful when all he could do was wrap his arms around Tom tightly, pulling his best friend to his chest. He desperately racked his hand through Tom’s hair, trying and failing to not get his fingers caught in tangles. “I’m sorry, Tommy, I’m sorry.”

All of Tom’s emotions seemed to zoom past him at super speed, leaving the boy feeling even more useless than before as he desperately tried to reach out and grab one, just to feel something. He wanted his best friend to make it better so desperately, because he didn’t know how to do it himself. Everything seemed to slip away from him as he clung on to Harrison like a monkey, not ever willing to let him go.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> idk if ill continue this.. lmk if u want me to!


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